An Open Letter To Laundry: Youre Ruining My Life

Doing laundry is my all time favorite thing in the whole wide world (said no mom of a family of all boys, ever). Honestly, I would rather eat a fried rat and a side of snails. Seriously.

To you moms of little babies and toddlers, just wait. The clothes piles get bigger and sweatier and weirder as they get older. Some days it smells like an Axe Body Spray factory and other days its a cross between an NFL locker room at half-time and a pig farm after a monsoon. All equally gross and ratchet.

Its not just the laundry room. Its the back seat of the boys’ trucks, the bedroom, the bathroom and I even find dirty clothes mixed in with the clean clothes. Big Daddy (that would be my husband) often gets in the truck and says it smells weird. But does he investigate? Nope. Not until he cant stand it anymore then he starts searching.

Hes found clothes that the boys havent worn in years, protein shake bottles (you wanna smell something that will make you hurl on the spot? A protein shake bottle that has been closed up for a few days will do just that) food wrappers etc. Then it all comes inside. My. House. I started throwing away Tupperware containers and shake bottles if I cant identify whats in them or how long theyve been sitting. Its just not worth me throwing up.


The clothes go straight to the laundry room, where I spend 50 percent of my afternoons. I bet I do at least five to six loads a day. And one of my kids doesnt even live at home anymore!

Does Big Daddy help? You bet he does. He knows its one way to keep me from killing his offspring. Do you have to do your own laundry in prison? Something to think about.

Back to laundry: Once I finish all the loads and fold them and place them on the steps to go upstairs to the appropriate rooms, guess what happens? Some clothes make it to the right rooms, some disappear and others re-appear disguised as more dirty laundry! Yep, sometimes the ghosts that live in my house think its easier to send clean clothes back down to the laundry rather than put them away. Anybody else have this dilemma?


Then, the other child comes to visit. I must say he does his own laundry at college, but when hes home, his clothes get mixed with the other childs clothes. So, for 30 percent of the week I hear, Mom, where is my shirt? or where are my shorts, jacket, socks! I guess they traveled to college. Those missing clothes might or might not ever come home again.


Then there are the mystery clothes. One girls sock, an extra small t-shirt (my kids are large/extra-large), PE uniforms from a school my kids dont even go to and sweatshirts that Im pretty sure my kids wouldnt be caught dead wearing.

Is there a city-wide lost and found? You know those lost pet posters around the neighborhood? Im thinking of doing that with the mystery clothes, Lost Girls Sock found-Call Jenny at 867-5309. Reminds me of an 80s song


Then there are the days I cant even. I will wash a load, fix dinner, and then return to find the washed load sat too long so I re-wash. Shut-up, you know you do it too. Just like you also keep turning the dryer on because you want the wrinkles to go away from sitting in the dryer for too long, too. Dont even judge me. I wouldnt know an iron or ironing board if it slapped me on the butt and called me Sally.


Now, lets get to the good part. Any money found in pockets is mine. Notes, candy (before washing) or jewelry. Mine. Thats better than finding Chapstick after the dryer or gum.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean a dryer with gum everywhere? The last time that happened I spent 20 minutes googling how to clean gum from a dryer while drinking the last scoop of frozen margarita from the Wal-Mart Bucket-O-Margaritas in the freezer. That was a very bleak day.


So moms of little ones, there is no hope for a brighter future as far as laundry is concerned. Girls can be just as bad (heard that from a friend). You can say you love doing laundry but that makes you a big fat liar. We cant be friends if you actually like doing the laundry. I bet you like grocery shopping, too.

Gotta run friends. I have the never ending laundry to do…

Fore more from Missy Farrow visit her blog Midlife Margaritasor her Facebook page and don’t forget toSHARE!

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