Do you understand that athleisure is less formal than other styles of clothing? Do you understand that what you wear to run errands or grab drinks does not contribute to a larger commentary on the state of humanity? Do you not get sexually aroused at the mention of New York City? Congratulations, you are more qualified to occupy valuable column space in the than Kerry Folan, who last week penned the worst goddamn yoga pants take I’ve ever seen.
In my time on the yoga pants beat, I’ve seen yoga pants denounced for being too sexy, because THINK OF THE CHILDREN, and even because the people who wear them are too fat. Those are all dumb, yes, but at least they’re coherent. But Folan’s point is… nebulous, if not missing? Something about New York? She recently moved to the D.C. suburbs from NYC, and is AGHAST at all of this filthy comfort.
Moving to most populous city and over-dressing to compensate for the fact that your rent eats literally 3/4 of your paycheck is the least controversial thing someone can do. Thousands of you are doing this right now.
She feels like this is a trend, but is she for or against it?
Insofar as athleisure’s a trend in terms of fashion, sure, but wearing gym clothes in public is not a new thing. Show me the latest trends in athleisure wear, and I’ll show you a picture of me walking to class in 2004 wearing track pants, a hoodie, and looking frat as fuck.
Anyway, let’s see what millennials have to do with all of this (nothing).
Far be it from me to put words in the mouths of women, but I’m pretty sure your increasingly narrow iPhone has fuck-all to do with the pants you put on in the morning. To this point this column would be fine, if not unnecessary. No, I need an emotional component to feel BAD about my clothes. Fuck me up, Kerry.
There’s the good shit. By not dressing up at all times, you are being rude as hell to the general public. She follows with a picture of her grandmother in 1948 wearing, I shit you not, a coat (SO CLASSY). If this were written by a man, he’d digress into a whole thing about how bummed he is that he can’t wear all of his grandfather’s beautiful fedoras, and why don’t women wear heels everywhere anymore and WHY CAN’T ALL YOU SLUTS AND WHORES TELL THAT I’M A NICE GUY?!?!
Anyway, she’s not done. She was tutoring a Chinese student in English (while wearing yoga pants). He noticed that she looked comfortable, so she did that white lady thing where she takes a benign interaction with him and makes it all about her.
If she hasn’t lost you by now, you’re either an idiot or Kerry Folan. She goes on to back her thesis right the fuck up (it’s not about manners, it’s about getting too comfortable), and then dive into more nonsense about New York.
Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. New York is a great city, but for every charming thing about it there are five more that suck balls. The cost, the weather, the crowding, the navel-gazing, etc. It’s a fucking city with pros and cons just like anywhere else, not a fucking real-life Cibola. To suggest that New York City is more ambitious than anywhere else is asinine, and to outright admit that you rely on its “collective ambition” (not a thing!) to get you out of bed in the morning suggests that you might need professional help.
[Editor’s Note: If Kerry honestly thinks that New Yorkers don’t wear yoga pants to places other than the gym, I would like to personally invite her to visit the Betches office.]
Yes, throwing on yoga pants and a fleece is tautologically lazier than planning a more thoughtful outfit. But that’s literally it humanity’s collectively gotten more casual for the entirety of our existence, and the latest evolution of that is not some portent of the apocalypse. If you think yoga pants are inappropriate in public, then you should not wear yoga pants in public. It doesn’t mean anything else.
Thus ends the year in terrible yoga pants news.